When The Rapture comes, can I have your stuff?

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “When the Rapture comes; I am going to leave this car and find a better Christian one”. It made me laugh, but it also got me thinking.

This Rapture thing. Really?

 I guess I should say right up front that I myself am not Christian. I generally don’t have a problem with Christians, and have many friends who are. I just happen to practice a much older religion.

But my question is, do they really believe this? 

As thinking, rational human beings do most Christians honestly believe that they will be departing this Earth to reside in Paradise? That Jesus Himself is going to hover somewhere up there in the clouds (an important point, because apparently he can’t touch the ground. He won’t do that until seven years from Saturday, when He returns as part of the Second Coming) to call all the Christians unto Him? And that they leave this Saturday? I mean it must be huge for them. To not only know that they are getting a free pass into Heaven, and are going to get to hang with Jesus Himself, but to know the exact day they are headed up? Wow. That is cool…

But if they know they are leaving, and they know that the departure date has been “Guaranteed by the Bible” (as more than a few billboards I have seen proclaim), how come they haven’t been preparing? I mean, wouldn’t you expect to see a huge rash of Christians getting their affairs in order? You know, giving away all their worldly possessions to charity, taking vacations to places they’ve always wanted to visit. Calling all their non-Christian friends to say goodbye….

What’s up with that?

And why isn’t anybody upset about the zombie hordes that will be roaming the streets on Saturday as well? The bible is very clear on this point. When Christ does his hovering in the clouds thing on Saturday, he will not only be calling all the living true-believers unto him, but also all the Christian true-believers who have ever died on Earth. Ever.

 In chapter 4 of I Thessalonians, Paul  explains the process, of how the Rapture actually occurs, saying basically (paraphrasing here) that Christ comes and calls all Christians who are living on Earth at the time, and changes mortals into immortals instantly. The physically dead, will then rise first when their bodies and souls reunite. They will then be called to Christ, reunited in body and soul from all parts of the Earth, wherever they have died or are buried. Dead people coming to life and walking the earth? Where I come from, that is a text-book definition of a zombie. Look it up.

The only good news is that the impending Zombie Apocalypse (did I mention it is this Saturday?) will be short lived, as no sooner will the zombies claw their way from their graves all over the world, they will (if you believe such things) be called to Heaven with the rest of the true believers.  Zombie problem solved. Although I am going to keep my zombie apocalypse emergency kit handy just in case. And let’s all remember to double-tap people.

So the only question for the rest of us – you know, we sinners and non-believers who will be left behind? Is this: While we’re here on earth,  enduring seven years of the Great Tribulation (that time between the Rapture and the Second Coming), to all you Christians (dead or alive) who are leaving this earth on Saturday… Can we have your stuff?

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