I believe…

I’ve been giving some thought lately to what I believe. What is it that makes me, well me. While certainly I would never consider boring you with a complete list of everything that I believe, this is a few that came to mind today…

I believe that laziness is a good thing. If it were not for the inherent laziness of the human species, we would all still be beating our laundry on the rocks by the stream, and crapping in outhouses. Don’t knock the lazy guy. He makes your life better every day.

I believe that peanut butter and chocolate really are two great tastes, that taste great together.

I believe that if you really do stick your nose to the grindstone and work hard your whole life, you are as likely as not going to die of cancer or be bankrupt in the end. Life isn’t fair. Deal with it.

I believe that the Ring of Truth is the finest sound there is, except the sounds some women make in bed. Ok, I stole that last one from the excellent author Tom Robbins, but I still believe it.

I believe that children really are our future. That is why sometimes at 3:00am I sit bolt-upright in bed, terrified and screaming.

I believe that if you work at it hard enough and with enough dedication, if you truly believe you can do it, you can get an olive out of the jar with one finger. Try it.

I believe that the government of this great nation is no longer effective. I believe that the ideas set forth by our founding fathers have been so bastardized and torn-apart by the power-hungry media sluts from both parties on Capitol Hill as to be unrecognizable.

That is why I believe it is time for a change.

I believe that bad things happen to good people. I know this because I think (and many others seem to agree) that I am a pretty good person, and yet many bad things have happened to me in my life. I’m not crying about it, just accepting it for what it is. Bad things happen to good people all the time.

I also believe that good things happen to bad people, too. This is the fundamental issue that sometimes shakes my faith in karma. The Universe seems to get it wrong sometimes. I wish it would stop that.

I believe that when I pull up on my motorcycle and walk into a store or a restaurant in my sunglasses do-rag  and leather gear, I am often misjudged to be some kind of bad-ass biker dude. Secretly I think I like this. If they only knew the truth…

I believe that if your mate does not want to have sex with you as often as you would like them to, then you are doing something wrong. You should work on that.

I believe that Global Warming is real. I also believe that the human race is too vain or too stupid (or both) to do anything about it. I checked, and our house sits 321 feet above sea level. I hope that’s enough.

I believe that the real reason Facebook exits is to deliver me cute pictures of puppies and kittens.

I believe that marijuana should be legalized in all 50 states, and that every penny of the money formally spent to fight that segment of the drug war should be re-directed to fund local school systems. It’s a win-win. Think about it.

I believe that when I take a wrong turn in the car, the lady inside my GPS sounds disappointed in me. And I actually feel bad about it.

I believe that real love is the constant process of forgiving one another. Of not holding grudges, or carrying baggage, or attacking without warning. I believe that real love is not something you fall into, but something you grow into.

I believe that there is a great racial divide in this country, and that the chasm is ever widening under the force of economic separation. The discussion becomes less about the whites and blacks, or whites and Hispanics, and more about the Haves and the Have-nots. As the rich get richer, the poor seem to get poorer. Technology (or the lack of access to it) fuels this divide.

Unfortunately I also believe that the “Occupy” movement and the 99%er’s as a group were deluded if they thought they were going to bring about any real change by camping out in a park. Trust me, the millionaire bankers were sitting in their over-stuffed leather chairs, watching you through the windows of their high-rise mahogany-clad offices, sipping their brandy and laughing. Sorry, but it’s true.

I believe that June Bugs are evil. Also, they serve no useful purpose whatsoever, and should be eradicated from the entire earth forever.

I believe that telecommuting is a gift from the Gods, and that everyone who can do it, should.

I believe that one day a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets. Ok, I don’t really believe that one, but I did love me some Clash back in the day.

I believe that Fox News is full of crap. I also believe that the Liberal media is at times guilty of some of the same tactics that Fox practices. Don’t listen exclusively to either side. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

I believe that every American should be armed at all times. I believe this would cause the crime rate everywhere to drop to near zero. And besides, as Thomas Jefferson said, “A right not exercised is a right soon lost”.

I believe that not only do real men cry, but real men are not afraid of emotion in general. Emotion is what makes us human. It is the very essence of what separates us from every other species on the planet. To deny ones emotions it to deny one’s self. Don’t be afraid. Embrace them guys. You’ll be glad you did.

I believe it is an absolute, guaranteed certainty that there is other intelligent life in the Universe. The sheer math alone ensures me of that. Already they have discovered more than 2,000 extra-solar planets. The question is not “if” but “when”, and anyone who believes otherwise is closed-minded or delusional.

I believe that without a single exception I can think of, the book is always better than the movie.

I believe that the human race has come a staggering way in the past 100 years. From Model T Ford’s just replacing the horse-drawn buggy, to the space travel and the internet. What really bakes my noodle is when I try to predict where this road will take us in the next 100 years. I don’t know where we’re headed, but it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

Finally, I believe that despite the troubles we humans face – from global warming to wars and terrorism. From poverty to toxic waste and political upheaval, over-all we as a species are better off than we were 1,000 years ago. Or 1,000 years before that. In fact we know more, have more and can do more right now than at any other time in the history of our species. I believe that as the political pendulum swings from one extreme to the other, as wars rage and things sometimes seem grim, you have to believe that overall, reason will prevail. That in general – whatever your feelings about our current president (or our next one) – or what seems like rampant insanity around the world, that we will figure it out. That the prevailing wind will blow from the direction of reason. That as the years and decades and centuries go by, our chances of survival steadily increase instead of decrease.

I truly believe that we will survive. That despite what seems at times to be our best efforts to destroy ourselves, I believe we humans will find our way. It may take a while, but we’ll get there.

That’s what I believe. And if you don’t like it? I believe you can kiss my grits. Whatever that means.

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