Dear President Trump:
I am sending you this letter to speak for all of those who might not believe that their voice is being heard. I am writing to make you listen to the voices you are ignoring. In short, I am writing today Mr. President, on behalf of the American people
Frankly sir, we are concerned.
Mr. Trump, we want you to succeed. We really do. We love this country as much as you do, and the last thing we want is for you or our beloved nation to fail. That would be unthinkable. And we are sure that you want to succeed as well. That you want to be a successful president. That you want history to remember you as a Great Man who did Good Things for his country.
That is why we find your behavior so confusing. It would seem that you want the opposite of those things. That you hope history remembers you as a moronic buffoon, who is corrupt and dishonest and can’t keep his dick in his pants. That isn’t true is it Mr. President? You can’t want history to remember you that way, can you? So why do you act the way you do? Seriously – why would you behave the way you do unless that is the way you want history to remember you?
The Tweeting. Jeezus Mr. President, for the love of all that’s Holy, PLEASE put your phone down and just STOP TWEETING. It makes you look stupid. Or at the very least un-informed. Your tweets are mostly bullshit, or outright fabrications anyway, so why do you do it? Today you tweeted that Mexicans were pouring over our border to take advantage of DACA. Mr. President, DACA was written – and is worded – to protect children of illegal immigrants who came here before 2007. Nobody new has been protected by DACA since then. So do see how that tweet might make you look stupid?
And who fires employees via Twitter? Really Mr. President? You don’t have any more balls than that? At least do what you are famous for. Look your employee in the eye and say “You’re fired” – don’t just tweet them out of a job. Only a spineless dick would do that. You don’t want to be seen as a spineless dick, do you?
And speaking of you firing people – about your revolving cabinet. You have really failed us on this front too Mr. President. You campaigned on a slogan of “Draining the swamp”, but it seems you have done no such thing. You have filled your cabinet with a long list of your cronies from the business world, and many of them have proven to be corrupt or unethical, or at least woefully under-qualified. It makes us think you never really intended to drain the swamp in the first place. It starts to look like you and your cronies are just using our government as your own personal ATM machine. That is the impression we have gotten so far Mr. President.
If you want the American public to believe that you actually are an honest, ethical person who surrounds himself with others of the same ilk, start with yourself. Release your tax returns Mr. President. Once and for all, just do it. I know you don’t want to, but sometimes when you are the Leader of the Free World, you have to do some things you don’t want to do. Sometimes you have to do something for the greater good. Unless that thought frightens you? Unless your tax returns would reveal the full depth and breadth of your corruption, and you can’t afford to let that happen? At this point Mr. President, you have withheld them for so long, that it probably doesn’t even matter. We mostly just assume that they contain heinous secrets you cannot afford to let out. Trust us, as bad as the reality may be, I bet we can imagine far worse. It would just be better to release them and be done with it. Really.
We feel like you have a lot of pent-up aggression Mr. President. It seems as if you constantly have to lash-out and attack anyone around you who might disagree with you. Getting into a “who has the larger penis” debate with the leader of North Korea (over Twitter no less!) does not benefit this country. The next time you feel like arguing with another world leader, or challenging another politician to a fist fight, we want you to stop. We want you to take three deep breaths and count to ten. You will feel much better, we promise.
And while we are on the subject of ‘things that do not benefit this country’, do you know what really hurt this country? Russia’s meddling in our election. It has become very obvious to us all that you have a soft spot in your heart for Vladimir Putin, and we have no problem with whatever bromance is going on there. We try not to judge. But you should really stop being so nice to Russia and Putin, and start acting like the President of the United States. It starts to fail the straight-face test Mr. President, when there is a mountain of evidence that a foreign power meddled in our election, that this same foreign power undertook a concentrated campaign to influence social media to further affect our election, and yet you continue to deny it happened. It starts to look Mr. President as if you don’t want to admit there was any meddling because that meddling benefited you directly, by winning you the election. That can’t be true, can it Mr. President? Please say it isn’t true, because that would be treasonous.
One more thing Mr. President. The whole “Border wall” thing with Mexico – it makes you look really crazy. I mean, honestly – insisting that we are going to build a wall, and that Mexico is going to pay for it? To stop the flood of rapists and drug dealers coming to America to take advantage of DACA? Come on Mr. President. You are make a preposterous proposal, to solve a problem that does not exist. Continuing to insist on this just makes you look increasingly unstable. There is already enough to make you look unstable Mr. President, please don’t add anything more.
And finally Mr. President, you have GOT to stop lying. Some days it seems as if you just have no idea what the truth looks like. You tweet so many outright fabrications that the media is just exhausted from debunking them all. You lie with the ease that most of us breath. You lie so much Mr. President, that you have set a new standard for dishonesty among politicians in Washington – and that’s saying something. At the end of the day Mr. President, you have lied so much that the American people can no longer believe a word you say. And that makes it even more difficult for you to get anything done. So do you see how telling the truth instead would actually benefit you in the long run?
In closing Mr. President, we just want to say that we are cheering for you. You can do this – really. Put down your phone and stop tweeting. Release your tax returns. Put strong sanctions in place against Russia – specifically for their meddling in our elections. Stop talking about that ridiculous border wall. And most of all, stop making things up. It’s ok to say “I don’t know” – it’s even better to just shut the hell up if you don’t know – but for God’s sake Mr. President, please stop lying! You have it in you to do what is right for America, we really believe that. We are rooting for you Mr. President.
It’s not too late to make things right.
The American People